Break

I touch her and she feels just as smooth
Just as before because
The cracks that scar her being
Can't be felt from the skin.

Then, those cracks
How do we know it is there?
Be observant, they whisper
Still I see nothing.

I lean in and take in her scent
Lightly mingled with bleach
Too impersonal
Something was wrong.

Dance

Step, step. Slide and stop.
Left, right, left.
If only our tomorrows
Followed a similar pattern.

World

It began in a single moment, at a single, certain point in time.
With it's birth, from whence or what I cannot say, it grew, feeding on the immeasurable spaces of imagination.
And with it's growth, soon, all space had been consumed, all restraints fled with the wind and all control splintered.
All the songs failed to reach my ears, all the words failed to touch tears to my cheeks, all the letters seemed no more than just oddly scribed angles on white parchment.
Silence, a silence so deep, so dark that even sound could not shatter the stillness installed permanently inside.
So I waited. Waited and wanted something more than darkness, more than empty, hollow space, more than unfeeling.
I waited, and waited and waited.
Replaying the moment where music, light and feeling had left this bubble of my world, reliving the previously uncounted moments of wondrous sensation that could not be lost forever...
Was this a time of innocence, of silences, of private confidences?
Long ago, for it must be long ago, it seemed so long ago when time was time, and loneliness was loneliness and love was love.
Everything in black and white, I could feel it throbbing in my veins, my blood now left thin and cold and lacking.
Cursing the days when I cursed what I lacked, this deep space consuming other spaces.
But just as ignorant, wandering with this vagabond in a world where there's nothing to steal, came with me a star.
You're just as bright, just as beautiful as any flame, winking in mischief and never still.
Suddenly I realised, that this is strange, you're shining in a world where there is no light, no sound, no sight, no smell.
I reach out to you, surprised when the tips of my fingertips brushed ice, for is this what stars are in here?
A light that travels where I goes, speaks, eats, loves, cries, feels for a being that cannot, then I ask, how is that you are able to do all that I cannot, and wish, to do?
Oh, beware my dear, for jealousy is a green eyed monster, its taint of green reaching even you in this monotonous world.
Let it not swirl within your crystalline depths, not touch your pure blue light.
But still, your light does not warm me, it does not light me, nor shed light on everything around us.
Can you blame me for missing your redder cousin?
Can you blame me for not wanting to touch you?
Can you blame for still wanting your company?
Can you blame me for abhoring everything you stand for...
Because I can.

Repeat Repeat

He's constantly thinking about her.
I can see his mind spinning, a disco ball,
Mosaic of memories, pictures playing on repeat.
The only thing shining in the hidden spaces of his heart.

He's constantly talking about her.
The way he would walk with me, silent,
And suddenly perk up at a minuscule detail reminding him,
Something equally small about her.
Broken, the silence I thought was companionable
To voice those snapshots of the past.

All the while, I stand there
In bittersweet silence, smiling along
Unsure what else there was to do.
It was sweet, seeing that smile
And the way he would stare, unseeing
The wistful expression, the relaxed posture, warmth
Knowing he'd once, been happy.

It was bitter too, I wasn't blind.
There probably wasn't a trace of me,
Anywhere in the only memories that could warm him
Make him want the past to return.
Seeing his face light up with a reserved joy
I had felt like an intruder
Witnessing something private, too personal, too tender and sentimental
To share with just anyone.
Unintentionally, on his part,
He probably wasn't aware at all
That he was doing the same for me,
Like the past did for him.

Making eternally warm memories of better days.
_________________________________________

Revise. Recollect. Remember. Reform.
Repeat.

Contradiction

Believe me when I say I dream and I too hope it'd be real...Who doesn't wish for a happy ending? But how many before had fallen... Just as this dream will eventually.

Don't be angry when your clouds crumble to dust... When there's no silver lining. Some things are just meant to be the way they are... You can't change everything.

Believe me that I don't want to apologize... but still, I must say I'm sorry. Every time all I could see is her face... Obscuring everything you've stood for.

And just as this association will no doubt harm you... There's no way I can shed so many years of history. Just as this dissociation harms her... no doubt you'd know better than I.

When all is said, there are still two sides to the coin
One that attracts, one that repulses
Two poles attached to one entity
Of which I cannot but be attracted to
And at the same time, pushes me back
When all that I stand for and against
Are contained in one body.

How can this contradiction be so natural?

Festival

Silken shadows gather against the lighted square,
Our revels are yet to begin
A blurry sun too slow to fall has finally made its bed
And is presently replaced with rainbow flames
Some hidden shyly behind folded crepe,
Others tempted from their paper domes
By delicious smells wafting through the air
Weaving and ducking through sweet smokes,
Rising lazily from their sizzling beds

Footsteps hurry hither and thither always
Against the tide drifting neither here nor there,
Ruffle against boot, sleeve against collar
They compact in good nature
The one time no one seems to care

Flickering shadows amass upon silvery bitumen
Wet with paint in greens and blues and reds
Writhing as restless as the spirits that cast them
And the frivolities had begun
Signed by the crescendo of shrill laughter
Carry on

From whence comes this little girl,
Do you not see your mothers trailing hem?
To lose you amongst these restless waters
Would it cast you to unknown anywhere?
But still she only smiles
Yet infested with the ecstasy of her own breath

Now still, when the lights are dimmed
And only two exist upon the dance floor
They step up to the waving beats
Trying to capture this moment on memory’s film
When later, exposed to more glaring lights will omit
Those who watched and those who shook their heads
Some in pity and some in awe
At the perspective perfection of this moment

Still, be still when the candles cast their murmuring spells
But remember even as you forget
There are those who the spells won’t touch
And they will remind you to regret
Every emotion strung out by the melody
That softens every angle even now
That all is hidden yet in silvery mist
Every contour traced by soft darkness
Will break the spell upon dawning bright

So if you wish this moment to remain as it is
And as in the minds of many have done
What you wish to keep in this enchanted corner
Touched by magic in every breath
Transforming all into graceful swans
Then do not look back and do not tear
As they beat their wings upon morning
Dissipating silently in the distance
Leaving only a bitter taste

But when all’s said who would see the soulless streets
When all others had retired hand in hand to their respective beds
The wilted flowers, the crushed lanterns and the bright paper
Trodden to mush in muddy niches between stall and stall
Who would then see the cloth canopies disassembled?
Plank by plank beneath a greying sky
Or witness the wind sweep up all that had been abandoned
Or see the trees disrobed of their bulbed finery?
And when the street is once again choked
This time with impersonal machines and bobbing black umbrellas
All that would be left as a reminder to the festivities
Would be a napkin, by lucky chance,
Brushing lightly across the pavement in its escape

Autumn's end.

Wow things have been hectic lately.
First of all, musical ended.
But with it's departure, we are left with so many memories,
and so many songs just stuck in our heads on repeat.
Last musical. Good memories.
I know I will definately remember this for years and years to come.
As with any major joint coed venture, the gossip seem to fly with the musical as much as the musical notes itself.
Very amusing really when one is not involved.
Very amusing to listen to indeed.
It's all very exciting.
Alas, now that it's over though things will die down.
I will actually have to sit through class without being able to look forward to musical on friday.
No more dinners with friends.
No more immitating cronically angry policemen.
No more ladies of the night, or ladies of the factory, or ladies of the town.
We're just school children now. Just young ladies.
Yet, musical has changed all of us in some small way.
We grew close to people we  would've never met.
Shared laughter and tears with people we would've never known.
Stripped in the vicinity of those we'd never even acknowledged otherwise.
We went to places, and we still are.
Just look at today, us strolling through serene suburbia pretending to be prisoners in 18th century France.
So in that way, my first and last musical would never leave me.
But remain forever engraved upon my mind and heart.