hehehehe xD

my fate as a heater...

Floating Lanterns

http://img3.visualizeus.com/thumbs/34/be/city,hands,hope,lost,rain,window-34be3395a603caba9a1524f5a2456455_h.jpg

I promised myself that I wouldn't wait in a cold house for the sound of your footsteps. It's just like how you promised me you'd be home when the darkness falls. But I'm still sitting sleepless all alone on the stairs by the door, wrapped in my blankets, head leaning on the wall.

The meagre mile that come between us suddenly feels so far, even though you're really just a phone call away. Yet, it's just not the same. All the summers past, I want to gather them in my arms and release them like lanterns in the night. Like little suns they'd drift all around me in a kaleidoscope of colour, casting rippling memories upon the ceiling with their lights. I'll bring them before me one by one to watch our lives play out in silent motion. The little girl running through the park in warmer days and flying upon the ice in winter, my hands safely locked in yours fades. The dusky smell of closeness, fire and wood that wraps around me and brings me back even to this day, lingers in the corners of my mind. That too fades away. I see your face as it is now, but hair blown back by the wind and such a joyful smile upon your lips as we race. The tint of pink that dusts your cheeks as you dream of better days.Or maybe the way I would stare at your back as you walk away, at a time when I happily followed. Or perhaps those stolen glances at you when you walked by my side, silhouette cast so perfectly against the gold of the evening light. Adoration, so blind, dear dear child. Those naively perfect moments of affection, senpai, semper fidelis. Your warmth, the confusion, the tears, the phone calls that had us laughing deep into the night...

My breath freezes in the air, caught up by the grey morning light. The kaleidoscope of memories tucked into my heart and locked up tight. My body aches as I ascend the stairs in this ever silent house. Sink back down into the cold sheets. Clear my mind and sleep. Sleep and maybe dream. Do I have another choice, isn't there another way?

The moments creep, the clock ticks by
The sweetness lingers in my mind

She's so beautiful
So very beautiful
I can not believe what I see
How can perfection believe in me?

Standing in the wind, the cold and the rain
I paused to seek your human warmth
Remembering that you no longer care

Fall

If the rain could rise instead of falling
And the sun fly from west to east
If we could untread all those trodden miles
Back to when you held my hand for the very first time...

If the sun could rise instead of falling
And the wind could gather the sand
We could catch the tears as they fall
Softly smile as we sat on the pier, on that very first night...

To Be Or Not To Be...

... that is the question.

Shall I relinquish to the role of the child

That falls asleep, gaze cast still, upon the mirror

At the child that gazes back with saddened eyes

Curled, too, upon the sofa.

Or be the woman I am?

Treading from room to room from dawn unto dusk

The whitened walls, the polished floors, the dust

The noise that deafens the sensitive ear

Music that thumps the heart and cloys with listening.

For here, even the silver of the stars are dimmed

To hazy white-rimmed opacity, the moon

Suffocates amidst the fog choked city, a leper.

Across the shadows leapt the darkness deeper.

Shall I relinquish to the excuse of madness?

Though I think not myself a madman,

But when to sleep and dream is to truly awaken, to live!

And to wake, only with deadened body and mind...

But to think, not of gain nor of sorrow or agony,

And only of joy, we would be madmen deemed.

Perhaps then those deemed mad are merely free

And sees the world as I wish to see.

For how many of those we hail prophets

Were but madmen in their time,

And how many prophets indeed,

See with their eyes? No, it seems

We should judge madness by state of mind

But perhaps only judge the madness of human kind.