Floating Lanterns

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I promised myself that I wouldn't wait in a cold house for the sound of your footsteps. It's just like how you promised me you'd be home when the darkness falls. But I'm still sitting sleepless all alone on the stairs by the door, wrapped in my blankets, head leaning on the wall.

The meagre mile that come between us suddenly feels so far, even though you're really just a phone call away. Yet, it's just not the same. All the summers past, I want to gather them in my arms and release them like lanterns in the night. Like little suns they'd drift all around me in a kaleidoscope of colour, casting rippling memories upon the ceiling with their lights. I'll bring them before me one by one to watch our lives play out in silent motion. The little girl running through the park in warmer days and flying upon the ice in winter, my hands safely locked in yours fades. The dusky smell of closeness, fire and wood that wraps around me and brings me back even to this day, lingers in the corners of my mind. That too fades away. I see your face as it is now, but hair blown back by the wind and such a joyful smile upon your lips as we race. The tint of pink that dusts your cheeks as you dream of better days.Or maybe the way I would stare at your back as you walk away, at a time when I happily followed. Or perhaps those stolen glances at you when you walked by my side, silhouette cast so perfectly against the gold of the evening light. Adoration, so blind, dear dear child. Those naively perfect moments of affection, senpai, semper fidelis. Your warmth, the confusion, the tears, the phone calls that had us laughing deep into the night...

My breath freezes in the air, caught up by the grey morning light. The kaleidoscope of memories tucked into my heart and locked up tight. My body aches as I ascend the stairs in this ever silent house. Sink back down into the cold sheets. Clear my mind and sleep. Sleep and maybe dream. Do I have another choice, isn't there another way?