Future

It was SCRAM semi finals.

And what had me thinking, staring off into space, wasn't the problem at hand at all.

Supposedly, this happened to us. How would we cope? Would our friendship be strong enough to pull us through this ordeal?

Who would "we" be?

Endless thoughts and questions parade through my mind's eye.

In that sense, perhaps the most valuable lesson we have learnt during these months is not about how to resolve conflics at all.

I would not have thought that a problem about school uniform would lead to values of respect and morality.

Neither would I have expected to be confronted with something as surreal and common place as the serious injury of an important friend.

How would we change? I don't know.

Looking back, it is obvious this experience has already helped our group bond in many ways.

It is also obvious that our friendship has changed over the last three years. It was bound to.

Where will we be in five, ten, twenty years later? I often ask myself this.

Maybe some of us will be immensly successful, others not so. Some may have families while others prefer life on their own. Some may chose to dwell in the buzz of the city while others will chose to flourish in the rural niches and their relative peace.

Will our differences, not yet fully expressed, tear us apart?

Or rather than tear, let us slowly drift away in different directions and before we know it, we no longer belong together.

And then, there is the constant, underlying fear of loneliness embedded deep within my mind.

The fear that one day, I'll be completely alone.

And I wonder, what could possibly bring us back together in the future? The fading memories of these years would not be enough, would it?

How would I be able to help my friends in the future?

And more I think about it, the more the answers seem to elude me.

And I'm left wondering

I wonder, I wonder.

-Blood

Light

I shuffle along the edge of the narrow platform.

A solid, steep wall blocks one side, impossible to scale and hopelessly long.
The wind whisks around me.
It wraps my clothes around me, then voluptuously billows out the thin cloth.
It feels great, seeing the world stretched out before me.

A small figure waves at me from way down below.
I can hear her calling out to me, voice dancing in the wind.
But the words were tossed away before they could be caught.
I peek cautiosuly over the edge and waved back.

Arms flat out against the wall, bracing myself agains the wind I drew a deep breath and ...breathed.
Relishing the absence of noise save the howling of the wind, a muted roar in ones ear.
Savouring the feeling of being unconquerable one last time.

And with a delighted laugh, eyes sparkling, I stepped forward into the nothingness myself.
It didnt feel slow, like watching it.
Excitement, adrenaline, thrill of travelling at over 100km/h through air.
Caught up in the moment, there was no time to be scared.
Unlike watching, I knew I would not fall, broken.
She would catch me.

The platform receded slowly.
The grey monotone tainted at this angle, by shades of dusky pink.
Ashes of Roses, I think the color was called.
And the ground was looming predominantly now.

My arms moved of its own accord, away from my sides where they had previously been clenched.
The air rushing past filled my fluttering clothes like sails.
They bulged pregnantly, and the ground began to enlargen at a slower rate.
I fix my eyes on her.

She was laughing, joyous at my safety.
As I softly landed, on my feet, she rushed towards me.
We embrace and she helps me stand.
The light in her eyes says it all.

"Lets go again"

Falling

I can see her falling.

It's similar to watching a car speed off a high way into the sea.
Or maybe more like watching someone fall, slowly, ever so slowly, over the edge of a cliff.

In my minds eye, I reach out. I touch her.
She turns and smile, says it's okay, she knows what she's doing.

I want to grab her tightly, hold her in my arms.
She hugs me back, whispering comfort in my ear, assurance, telling me to trust her.
I trust her. I dont trust her head to overrule her heart.

I promised I would protect her. Not to anyone in particular, but myself.
She's so vulnerable, broken already. I promised.
And I lost the war before it even begun.

What else to do but let her go, with an unsettling feeling of dejavu and a sense of impending doom.
I cant keep her away. It would be wrong to.
But it would save so many tears, so much heartache, pain.
What can I do but release her, watching her turn away, with a smile.
I know she's scared herself, unsure.
She's still going anyway. Her heart tells her its the right thing to do.

I'm scared for her. I watch her walking, step by step towards the edge.
She turns around again, laughs, gestures at the rope tied around her waist.
I know the end of the rope isn't bound to anything that will keep her off the ground.
The ground somewhere far beneath us.

I see the sparkle of insecurity, wanting nothing more than for it to consume her.
Maybe then she'll step away from the edge. Back to safety.
She will tell me, what's the fun in that?

Her feet are in line with the nothingness beyond.
Her arms are stretched out wide, the wind tossing her hair.
Then, slowly, ever so slowly, she leans forward.

At first, it seemed like nothing would happen.
She leans, perfectly still in the air, leaning into the nothingness.
Then the equalibrium tips.
I watch as she flutters down.
The sound of her laugh still echoing in the air.
Then, even that is swept away by the wind.

I step away, and turn.
It's time I headed to the bottom of the cliff.
And hope to break her fall.

Reminiscence

Reminiscence-

Tossing and turning
and cant stop thinking
I cant stop remembering
remembering when there was a you and I

Can't stay away
and I cant bear to stay
I cant close my eyes
and watch that video of you play

And I'm still here
Wanting to say

I curse the day you entered my life with sunshine
Cry for the day you chased away the rain
Hoping to forget the day you left
Leaving me with shadows for company again

Staring at an empty hallway in my own house
Touching the photographs in cracked frames
Cant help but think that maybe
You're not the only one that I need to blame

Lying wide awake
Staring at the clock
It beats, tick-tock
and back to the starless ceiling

it's funny how it rains
so much now days
Each raindrop falling as if
Crying the tears that I cant shed

And I'm still here Wanting to say

I curse the day you entered my life with sunshine
Cry for the day you chased away the rain
Hoping to forget the day you left
Leaving me with shadows for company again

Staring at an empty hallway in my own house
Touching the photographs in cracked frames
Cant help but think that maybe
You're not the only one that I need to blame

They tell me
Just be happy
Easier said then done
But I'm trying

And to tell you that I'm really okay
Listening to you say things like
I really cant move on
History, too much history

And I'm still here
Wanting to say

I curse the day you entered my life with sunshine
Cry for the day you chased away the rain
Hoping to forget the day you left
Leaving me with shadows for company again

Staring at an empty hallway in my own house
Touching the photographs in cracked frames
Cant help but think that maybe
You're not the only one that I need to blame

Oh, wont you set me free
Just go away and leave me in peace

Stories of Love

There are many ways people use to express love. Songs, poetry, plays, paintings, stories and a whole range of other mediums are used to express this emotion that has left the most uptight, controlled people in pieces, the bitterest to sweet, the coldest to passionate. It has left the human race confused, inspired, ecstatic and broken.

The music is varied, sad or happy, but always about love. Love, love, love. Try finding me a pop song not about love. I’ll give a cookie to anyone who succeeds. The tunes change, the instruments, the artists, but never the theme. Never. A topic worthy of vocal celebration for as long as human society had known the beauty of sound.

There are the poems and letters. Written from one to another, it’s for another, with the most moving words, told by people with oceans of feeling to oblivious paper, and then spoken by oblivious paper to confusion, happiness, longing or even just pity.

Sometimes, even words aren’t enough. We speak them, act them, be them, and immerse ourselves in an emotion we might have not felt ourselves, emotions that belong to another. A play, a drama or a good movie about love can reduce the audience to tears. And sometimes, the actors themselves are so lost in the emotion that they become trapped, forgetting what they once were and become the emotion.

And finally, the retelling of love. The passing down of emotion from one to another. The gathering of experience, reliving, relieving pain and happiness through a story. The classic plot of boy meets girl, and the more complex ones of twisted love, unexpressed love and forbidden love.

Really. What’s is all this fuss about love? We as humans seem to express this emotion more than any other. We sing about it. We dance it. Write about it. Perform it. Tell it. Paint it. Over do the Valentines Day gifts. Elaborate the weddings into a fairytale. Stereotype love into something that everyone will receive.

We cry too much over romantic love. We often don’t see the love of family. We often don’t understand the love in friendship. Such fuss over the only emotion that we have no clue as to what it is, how to define it, to confirm whether we are feeling that emotion or not.

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was bored. xD its soo... lecture like. Something my rents might say to me...

meh.

have fun these hols everyone ~~

-Blood

Lost and Found

Lost.... with no where to go...darkness...

Ah shit, I was lost. Again.

Winding passages...pounding heart beat and...panic...

And I had no idea which way would lead me home.

Mazes lined with mirrors... reflection...solitute

There was not a soul in sight. Alone.

A light...perhaps...and reaching towards infinity

I reached a familiar looking stretch of road and decided to follow.

Joy and relief... stretching out... hope

I walked and observed, trying to find my way.

Nearly there...take it... and then suddenly extinguished

Another block up and the familiarity vanished. Still lost.

Wondering in darkness... suddenly bright... rescue

I turned a corner, and found the mainstreet that led me home.

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Metaphorical vs Literal

Scram competition today!! It was pretty awesome if I do say so myself =]

Hope we can get into semifinal!!!

It's last day of school for term 2 tomorrow. Time flies so fast! can't believe that we're half way though the year already~ We'll be seniors soon D; and OLD

Ha ha xDD still, senior privileges for the win =D

-Blood

Sideline

There was a full moon last night. Its hazy glow barely managed to light up the clouds that smothered the waxy disc with its bulbous uneven fluff, and the night was dark otherwise. A chilling wind had prevailed throughout the day, but was only distempered even more by the darkness. Howls of agony echoed through the silence as the wind tossed and gushed through the topmost boughs of the trees next door. It wasn’t a pleasant night to be out in by any means.

If you had asked why I had been standing out in that battlefield, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. Nor would I have been able to explain why I didn’t have a torch to light my way, wherever I was going. But there I was, out in the wind with a giant coat and messed up hair, as the wind had pummeled my tresses somewhat. I had been standing out there for awhile, amazed at how much energy there was all around me.

If we had been able to harness the energy of the wind, tossing branches that no human could ever lift like they were ribbons. If we could harness the energy keeping those clouds up, and be able to reach the thousands of liters of water in the sky, waiting to be harvested. And no, this blog wasn’t meant to be a science paper on what could be and what will be.

I don’t know, just felt like describing that scene. Sometimes, I missed so many things that are so common place, and yet so beautiful, terrible.

When was the last time I gazed up at the sky and felt awed by the stars above?

I was walking home early evening last night, and star gazed my way home, admiring the lavender tainted hue of the heavens, with their navy depth spilling out into the west and stars, like diamonds scattered across velvet. I realized what I had been missing out on all this time during my rush to get home.

When was the last time I paused to stare at the dew in the grass, admiring the way the perfectly shaped crystals perched delicately on the tips of silvery green blades, or the way they roll off, bead-like, at the slightest tremble of the grass.

When was the last time I gazed at puddles on the ground, mesmerized by the perfectly symmetrical ripples spread as each raindrop hits the surface and disappears into a pool with its fellows.

When was the last time I laid in bed and listened to the rain lightly beat its lullaby against the glass of my window while the wind gently whistled its tune into my ears?

When was the last time I went cloud gazing?

We’ve all been sidelined from the simple things that make life beautiful, and it’s time I returned to admire them.

-Blood