Mirroring Situations

Given a choice between two things that will probably bring me much anguish and pain.
And yet, both can and have lifted me beyond merely content.

If I chose either, I'll forever wonder what would've occurred if I had followed the other path at the crossroads. And if I chose neither, I will forever dream about the possibilities, and curse my indecision. It's one of those cases where 1+1=0

The very nature of the decision irks me. The classic and cliched examples of old versus new, the excitement of possibility and the familiarity of routine. And I have an addiction to both. You see, one choice is full of uncertainties.

It is young in every aspect, time, prospect, difficult to predict for there had been almost no occurances, no data, nothing to analyze. Well, almost nothing. But it is also full of promised, fresh and crisp in the dawn of it's time, offering to me a blank slate just pleading to be engraved with laughter and memories. It's like spring, with its endless possibilities. A green shoot pushes its head from the damp loose earth, stretching towards the sunlight. It could be a rose, a daisy, a grand oak that will endre the decades that pass, or it could be a thorn bush, a weed, a creeper that will slowly strangle the life from it's host before withering away. We simply don't know.

The other choice, unexciting as it may be, is something I have nurtured for a relatively longer period of time. There is a nostalgic essence to it's memories, bittersweet and staled by longing. Time begins to lose it's meaning, colors wear and fade, sharp edges are smoothed by sun wind and rain. Emotion becomes a muted hum, unheard at times not because it's not there, but because it's constant presence could be ignored. Waiting, seeing that light in the tunnel, and feeling like it could never get closer, then adjusting to the dimness, instead, admires the beauty of the dark damp walls. But the light will fall, the water will flow out to form a glistening brook, and what I emerge into, rain, shine or storm, will only be revealed when all is ready.

Someone once told me that if you were undecided, you should list the procs and cons of each option. It was very good advice, besides for the fact, what was I supposed to do when the Pros and Con's balance each other completely? Simple stall the decision until more points of argument pop up? But something tells me that if it's one thing I do have, it's time.

"dont rush, you have time" it whispers, tugging gently at the back of my mind and holding down the words that want to flow from me.

The only other source of advice is from the "heart". It leads me to wonder, why am I using my head in the first place? It does nought but confuse me, and on the rare occasions it does make a decision, my heart tends to disagree. To deny the heart of its desires would ultimately end up with more turmoil for me, so a compromise is often the best solution. However, when I do still my mind to listen to my heart, it remains silent and passive. No preference either way.

So I'll just stall for time, for now.